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Hey Tyrienne... 
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Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2012 9:44 pm
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Good luck with your surgery. You will be on my mind and in my conversations with the Gods today.


Thu Sep 10, 2015 8:52 am
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Tyrsman wrote:
Good luck with your surgery. You will be on my mind and in my conversations with the Gods today.


in mines too be sure of it


Thu Sep 10, 2015 8:09 pm
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Thank you! This is my first time back on my computer since the operation and coherent. It's been a wild ride. Since this is in off topic and I am on necessary painkillers right now- I'll put down the full story if people are bored enough to read it. (I also expect at least one humorous reply...)

I suppose it can be said to be "successful", but the results were unexpected.

I have had abdominal pain since June 2, on account of difficulties with the healthcare system it took until now to make the surgical schedule since my problems were not fatal- they just severely interfered with my ability to do most things- we bought a house this summer and I had intended to replace the bad boards of the deck, reshingle our shed roof, and also update the wiring in the house myself...all things I enjoy doing by myself or with some friends. However, the pain and build of scar tissue prevented me from getting done what I needed to- so- although I successfully finished the unfinished basement, sealed the asbestos tiles in the bathroom and kitchen and replace 1/4 of the bathroom floor and replace the fixtures, (I was able avoid painting...in fact, my friends painted while I was perfectly content downstairs installing carpeting. I hate painting walls).

So- as I was completing all these wonderful things to make my house a home, since I'm on SSDI and have the time to do so (PTSD/agoraphobia)- I had also made my condition entirely unmanageable to the point where my side muscles would give out, causing me to lose my balance, and I also was in a great deal of pain. I managed to avoid taking the painkillers "on schedule" until late August (I hate feeling lead-headed and they give me headaches) and I was on bedrest from them until surgery.

The cause it was believed, was a build up of scar tissue from a prior surgery as well as an internal cyst that needed draining.

The actual cause turned out to be over 1 pound (.45 kilograms) of scar tissue that had frozen most of my organs together into a single mass which was removed as well as the complete removal of my last remaining ovary...the cyst of the screenings was a decoy: My entire skin of my ovary was coating a cyst like "Buffalo Bill" from "Silence of the Lambs." the ovary was removed as was the scar tissue from the 2011 hysterectomy- however, it plunged me into the middle of menopause in my early 30's here. Good thing I prefer animals over children.

I wasn't really prepared or educated for that- so I honestly hid from everyone after I returned home Friday morning as I dealt with my flashbacks as well as very uncharactistic mood changes, depression, and sobbing. I very seldom cry, so I was embarrassed.

The overnight experience at the hospital was horrendous with indifferent doctors, no antibiotics and insufficient pain relief. I was given two medications to which I had listed allergies and denied my heart medication for reasons entirely unknown.

I could not even sit up myself without the help of a walker and a nurse to assist me to use the restroom. When I left, I was still unable to even stand without the help of others- my insurance kicked me out.

So, home too-soon, recovering from a night of unbearable and unnecessary pain, as well as rude comments from some staff who did not understand how medication should be dispensed- I was depressed and despondent since I was now in the middle of Menopause- a condition where even the slightest upset seemed overwhelming.

On the bright side, it is expected I am entitled to a significant settlement from the hospital on account of their gross negligence during my stay. There is no debate; I have both papers from the hospital indicating they knew of my allergies and ignored them and denied me my necessary medications.

There is not even a need for a lawyer.

Over the years- I had denied I needed a dog for my depression. But despite the outpouring of sympathy from my personal doctors and what few people I spoke to- on Saturday, I asked my husband to take me to the local shelter. We adopted a compassionate and intelligent Border collie/pitbull mix named Natasha- and we plan on enrolling her in training shortly to help with my flashbacks and such. So far, she's the best medicine I've been prescribed- she's very well behaved and an absolute joy.

In any case, I still experienced deep confusion over my lack of emotional control. I had my first check up today and asked "Is it the hormones?" and I was told that no, it was not the hormones. It was my stubbornness in my treatment regarding my pain medication. With my mental condition, I did not realized I had caused my own mental devastation by trying to "tough it out" by not taking my medication properly.

So- as I write this- this is my first time I have been medicated in accordance to the rules on the bottles. I feel spacey, but much more coherent; I didn't realize pain would "eat" unwanted side effect if my pain medication was taken on a strict routine and the emotional strangeness is a type of shock that will resolve in time along with the physical healing.

However, out of the experience, I am humbled. Natasha is a wonderful, brilliant companion who will excell in training...when I am better and she has some time to settle in here....she had her spay-surgery the same day as I, apparently. As I type this, she's quietly keeping me company resting on her own. My husband has been wonderful in taking care of me....despite the fact he is currently recovering from lead poisoning from his workplace.

....and now you know I'm female. I usually intentionally try to make certain all my posts are written without reference to my gender because I prefer to be judged by the content of my writing alone....and honestly, most common "womanly priorities" (fashion, gossip, babies, jealousy of other women, abhorring intellectual pursuits in favor of material gains) do not at all interest me- I have learned that writing without gender tends to solve all problems other women complain about. My gender is the least important thing about me- and it is the least important thing in seeking like-minded friends, so it seldom comes up online.

I will be a long time in recovering, but my dog has already helped tremendously with my mental state and I am now compliant in taking painkillers (when before I was under the assumption painkillers should only be taken in a reactionary manner.)

But, again...thank you all very much for your support and I should be around as often as before since now I'm back on bedrest once again.

...because I did not think it would be a bad thing to force myself to walk unassisted within a couple of days of surgery- regardless of pain.

I suppose this could also be a cautionary tale for knowing when being entirely self-reliant becomes folly. It is not "charity" to accept painkillers anymore than it is to use heart medication....and a dog is much brighter and useful than a cane (and most therapists).

....and that is my story. If it was terribly boring, please blame the synthetic morphine. :)


Last edited by Tyrienne on Tue Sep 15, 2015 4:17 am, edited 1 time in total.



Tue Sep 15, 2015 3:34 am
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Tyrienne, you have been through so much but you have come out the other side strong and determined. Natasha will be an amazing companion for you. Being female here is not to be ashamed of but I understand completely why you wanted it to remain 'annonymous'. You are wise (beyond your years ... ) and you approach issues with a different perspective. That is what this forum is all about.

I want to wish you a very speedy recovery and I will ask Frigga to help you with the issues you are dealing with - she has helped me get through and I know she will help you. Stay strong. Storm


Tue Sep 15, 2015 3:56 am
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Thank you kindly, Storm. Frigga was the Goddess I feared most for many years since my own mother was a hateful and cruel person who spent her life blaming others for her own bitterness and poor decisions.

This situation has lead me to lean on Her strongly and I can feel her presence in many of the women I have met around me in the form of nurses and the oldest women in my family- In a strange way, I need to reconcile that in our tradition, after this period of change- I can technically be considered a "crone" albeit a young one. For some reason, going through this at this age seems spiritually significant. Perhaps it might be because we do not have many older women in Odinism who are not "accessories" to their men as opposed to a force on their own elements.

On an unrelated note: I believe the "dark ages" were mostly spiritual; during that time was when the most people were forced by sword to convert away from the Gods of their birthrights. I am glad to see more of us each year....even if some of them start out as "Marveltru".

Even through the comics- some people are lead the correct direction to Odinism and grow the intellectual curiosity necessary to see behind the fairytales and seek out the Gods who walk among us.


Tue Sep 15, 2015 4:16 am
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You are welcome. Frigga has always been there for me since a child. My mother was (and still is) embedded in the herd and all that entails. She has never understood me because I didn't fit in. Frigga was there guiding me all along. She is not to be feared - she is strong and forceful, doesn't put up with any crap but also gentle, kind and forgiving. She is there for you too. Storm


Tue Sep 15, 2015 4:31 am
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Thank you. My Grandmother knows Her under the name "Mara"- I only feared Frigga because I mistakenly believed if I spoke to her, she would ask me to reconcile with the monster that birthed me.

Now I know that would be far from the case- my decision to estrange myself was not dishonorable- especially since I do provide the opportunity for reconciliation if that woman decides to confess to every instance of criminal and abusive action that would have landed her jail time should it have been committed against a stranger and serve her time behind bars accordingly with sincere remorse and regret. :)


Tue Sep 15, 2015 4:47 am
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Tyrienne, I knew a lady that had your surgery. Long after her operation, she passed away at 87 years.


Tue Sep 15, 2015 5:23 am
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OdinBrotherhood wrote:
Tyrienne, I knew a lady that had your surgery. Long after her operation, she passed away at 87 years.



That was exactly the comfort I needed- Life expectancy is shortened for many. I am fortunate mine was from genetic anomaly rather than cancer....but few ever make that distinction. Thank you, OdinBrotherhood.


Wed Sep 16, 2015 12:37 pm
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